Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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