Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
