where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
