I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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