I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
