I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
