is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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