Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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