Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
