I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize