I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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