shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
