the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
