All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
