you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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