How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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