But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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