there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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