I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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