I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
