I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
