This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
