I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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