ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize