How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
