Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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