I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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