Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Less talking, more tequila
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
