He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
