Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
