so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
