The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Someone shattered a urinal.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
