i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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