Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
