You can't motorboat a personality
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
