and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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