so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
