she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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