Do you still have your period?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
