I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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