Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
