also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
