Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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