Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
