i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
