Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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