Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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