I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
