1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize