Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
