She is in my trunk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize