so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
I mean, heās listed as āAndrew DC Threesomeā in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
