im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
