were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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