1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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