Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
