I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
