Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to wash the frat house off of me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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