Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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