Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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