Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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