At least make sure they are 18
Why
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
