Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
