I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
