he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
