Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
