I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
