I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you have to choose: penises or morals?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
