And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
