Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
